How to flirt and know if someone is flirting with you using the H.O.T. A.P.E.

Flirting is a language, the language of love and just like any other language you have to learn it. Think about it you wasn’t 18 months old saying words like beautiful or probably any words for that matter. Even when your older and maybe learning a new language like French you start with the basics Mère and Père not Je t'aime princesse. Just like learning your first or a new language you have to start with the basics when flirting. Don’t worry the more you practice and push yourself out of the comfort zone the better you will get at it.
Now I’m not making any promises, this technique is very useful but it won’t work with everyone, you might just not connect with some people, whether you’re trying to attract a guy or trying to attract a girl, sometimes it’s just not meant to be, but that’s the great thing about flirting… it’s not that serious. As a straight guy I flirt with everyone, it’s just a bit of fun. You can take it as serious as you want to, if your hints aren’t being picked up on, no problem! because it’s just going to make you more confident next time.
Even the most confident people freeze up when speaking to their crush if they don’t know what they’re doing. if your tired of missing out on getting to know someone that your attracted to then stick around to learn a technique on the science of how to flirt effectively.

How to flirt?

The technique we will be learning about today is called the H.O.T. A.P.E a bit of a strange name, yes I know but it’s a great way of remembering how to flirt effectively. It’s also a great way of telling if someone is attracted to you, you’re a great catch so don’t put yourself down!

You might be thinking, is this really worth it? Well yes. Not only is this the language of love it’s also great for business, friendships and much more, if someone is attracted to you they’re going to treat you better, it’s known as the halo effect.

The H.O.T. A.P.E. method for flirting

H.O.T. A.P.E. is an acronym for the 6 flirting behaviour’s found in London, Paris, Stockholm and New York so you could say they’re pretty universal. You can use this technique to flirt with someone and also to tell if someone is flirting with you!

H stands for humour

 particularly shared humour as we all find different things funny. Some people like sarcasm, dark humour and others like silly puns (me). everyone has their own unique style. Have you sat in sugar, because you have got a sweet ass. I know it’s cheesy but if you thought that was funny, you’re the one for me! On a serious note humour is very attractive. I think this quote explains it best “You make me laugh when I’m not even in the mood to smile” making someone laugh is like a hack in to the persons emotions. When you talk to couples who have been together which seems forever, they often attribute it to how their partner has the ability to always make them laugh, it keeps things fresh.

O is for open body language

open up your body and you open up your heart, although this makes you feel more vulnerable, it actually makes you look a lot more confident, so stop crossing your arms in the kitchen of the house party and ease up, let your arms loose and take up more space, sometimes it’s beneficial to be the elephant in the room. There’s lots of ways to show flirty body language and one way you can tell if someone is attracted to you is if their feet are pointed towards you, it’s a telltale sign that they’re interested even if the rest of their body is facing someone or something else. If you would like to learn more about body language read this book (the definitive book on body language)

T is for touch

now this is a tricky one, you obviously don’t want to be all touchy feely but neither do you want it to go unmissed. Touching is such an important factor in building relationships whether it’s going to be intimate or just a friendship so it’s important you get it right! I think subtle touches on the persons arms is fine, obviously don’t just grab them, have a reason or say something like “you’re so funny” whilst doing it, anything to ease the interaction to be just a normal conversation.

A is for Attention

the more someone is attracted to you the more they’re going to keep an eye you. But when your showing them attention you don’t want to be doing it to much. When you’re talking to someone, listen to what they’ve saying but still be aware of everything that’s going on around you, not giving to much away. When you touch them or interact with them don’t be so absorbed in what you’re doing and look for their reaction.

P is for proximity

if you walk in to a party and see someone across the room, you turn your back for 2 seconds to pick from the selection Hors d'oeuvre and as you turn around they’re right there, you know they’re interested in you. If you see someone giving you the eye from across the bar don’t just sit there, go over and talk to them, the relationship isn’t going to get serious when you’re about 10 foot away.

E stands for eye contact

there’s a huge difference in eye contact when you’re just being friendly compared to flirting. If you’re trying to flirt keep them short and regular not giving to much away but make it intense, but don’t be creepy, make sure the person is looking at you, as much as you are looking at them.

    As a general rule the more signals of the H.O.T. A.P.E the person is sending back to you, the more they are attracted to you. If and when you get married, make sure I’m invited to the wedding!
    The idea that most people are still motivated by the appearance, at least in the initial stages of a courtship, may seem disheartening to some of you, but now you know about the flirting language signals, you have a clue as to how to make yourself more attractive in the eyes of the special one.
    The ideas of this blog have come from the work of jean smith who is a social and cultural anthropologist who studies and comments on human behaviour, body language, human interaction and relationships, a self proclaimed flirtoligist. If you would like to learn more about the art of flirting and the language of love here is some great books on the matter. Flirtology, flirting for dummies  and the 5 languages of love.
    lf you have any further questions, remarks or requests for what you would like to see more of, you can comment here on the blog, or message us on Instagram, Facebook or email.

    1 comment

    • worked very well my crush finally noticed me <3 uwu xoxoxo

      Carlo De Jesus

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