How to command respect (the nice way)
But why do you want people to respect?
5 things that make people not respect you.
1. Not respecting yourself
How can you expect others to respect you, if you don’t even respect yourself! It sounds harsh but, if you’re always down in the dumps, not taking care of yourself and having nothing going for you, people aren’t going to look up to you and admire.
It’s not even that hard. Start with the basics like eating the right food, going to sleep on time and looking after yourself before you concentrate on anything else. Remember, it’s an inside job so, you are your own responsibility.
2. Talking behind someone’s back
This one is a double-edged sword, not to mention that it is really two faced. Firstly, if someone finds out that you are talking behind their backs, it shows that you aren’t brave enough to say it to their face and you are disrespecting them so, their value on you will drop.
Secondly, the person that you are talking to is likely to lose respect for you because they will start think, “if you’re saying this about that person, I wonder what you say about me?” the only time that you should talk behind someone’s back is if you are saying something nice about them.
3. Being too pushy
It’s great to be enthusiastic about something you love, however, you need to understand that not everybody sees things in the same light as you. Whether it’s your religion, someone that you are interested in or maybe you’re trying to sell something. You shouldn’t try to force ideas on to someone else.
When you don’t respect people’s rights to think for themselves, they are less likely to respect you as they think that you are to much and will try and influence your opinion on something. Respect is not about control.
4. Not following through with things
Talk is cheap! Have you ever met someone says they’re going to do something, but they never do? All of the new years resolutions that never get done, when people flop out of going on a date, when people make promises but never stick to them. This is one of the quickest ways to lose someone’s respect for good, all talk and no action.
You need to start taking action. When you constantly tell people what you are going to do but, then show no results, they’re going to start disregarding what you say in the future because you are not consistent. Actions speak louder than words.
5. Being a liar
Lying shows a lack of integrity and can make people question your morals and principles. When you lie it shows that you are not trustworthy and are not dependable, which is really important when it comes to being respected.
We all lie sometimes, in fact there are techniques on how to spot a liar but, you should aim to avoiding lying all of time because it can easily become a bad habit that you get known for.
How to command respect (the nice way)
Make people feel special
Before you can earn the respect to influence people, they first need to actually like you. Whilst fear may get an instant reaction out of somebody, being nice to them and making them feel special, will make them respect you more. When trying to be a leader and gain the admiration you deserve, many people try to do this by putting others down instead of showing your appreciation for them and that’s where so many people go wrong.
The first way that you can make someone feel special is to use their favorite word in the world and that’s their name, this cones from the book how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. Using people’s names makes them feel like you are being more personal with them which helps break down any walls they have built up. Another way to show your appreciation for someone is to compliment them but, you have to be sincere. Let someone know that you respect them and this will be returned.
Extreme ownership is a term first coined by Jocko Willinck, who is an ex navy SEAL but, this attitude can be seen in all domains and career paths that require great leadership. Extreme ownership is the idea that as a leader, you take full responsibility for the outcomes of you and your team no matter whether you succeed or fail. You do not pass blame nor hide away from uncomfortable situations.
Extreme ownership should be used in all areas of life from your relationships to your work. A great example of this can be seen in the restaurant environment. A good chef sees the meals that his customers eat as a reflection of him and if they have an unhappy customer, they don’t try and protect their ego by blaming the other people in the kitchen, instead, a head chef apologizes to the customer even if it wasn’t his fault directly because they are in charge of every aspect of the meal.
One way to gain instant respect as soon as you walk into a room, is by giving of a great first impression. This is done by having confident body language that commands respect. It’s not all about invading people’s space and walking around like a typical “gym lad” instead, it’s about opening up your body to other people.
Try sitting opposite someone and take up the room in your chair whilst maintaining good posture and eye contact. Another trick we like to use is, imagine that you have a rod attached to your back like a bumper cart and every time you walk through the door way, it hits the top of the door frame and pulls your shoulders back and keeps your back straight.
Don’t let people interrupt you
Often in conversation people will interrupt you which is ok, as long as it doesn’t happen consistently. When people talk over you and you can’t get a word in edge ways, it’s a sign that people don’t respect you and it can give off the impression that you don’t stand up for yourself so, you need to know where to draw the line. By simply knowing what you are going to say and still talking even if someone does interrupt will make people less likely to do it again. There’s no need to shout and see who can be the loudest, you just need to have enough conviction when you are speaking.
On the other hand, you shouldn’t interrupt other people when they are taking. If you want to talk look for triggers that show that the other person is finished speaking, obviously if the sentence has ended but, this doesn’t always mean they are finished. Look for them taking another deep breath in or raising their eyebrows as if they are about to talk.
Don’t ask for it
If you have something to be respected for you shouldn’t have to ask for it. Some people want to be admired that much, that they go out looking for it. People like this do noble and good deeds just for the admiration of others but, it’s not genuine.
To add to this, if you have achieved something that admirable, share it with your friends and family but, don’t brag about it. Don’t flaunt things in people’s face if they haven’t got something, not only will people stop respecting you but, being a showoff is very “cringey”.
This is probably the hardest way to get respect without being a jerk but, honesty is the best policy and sometimes you’re going to be put into situations where you’re going to have to tell the truth. You can’t hide from your problems your whole life and it’s better to have honest conflict with someone rather than dishonest harmony, this goes for your interaction with new people, your friends and even your health. You have to be authentic and not be afraid of confrontation.
It’s tough to be honest with people, especially someone that you are close to, they could get upset, angry and even fall out with you but, you have got to speak up. If you are truthful with someone, even if it hurts their feelings they will respect you for your honesty if you have their best interests at heart. In the case of bullying, people are always going to respect you more for sticking up for the person who is getting picked on and in terms of your friends, if you struggle to tell them the truth because you don’t want to crush their dreams, you can tell them objectively why they need to humble themselves with facts and evidence, instead of just putting them down.
Have high standards, consistently
People respect those who are always working to be better. You need to have high standards for yourself and those around you and always expect the best. You should be working on your dreams every single day no matter how hard things get and the people around you will be inspired by your dedication.
Along with action, share your vision of what you want life to look like with other people, let them feel connected to the long term goal. Have passion for what you do and that energy will rub off on people.
It’s a common misconception that to be respected, you have to be some kind of intimidating “alpha male” that has no emotions but, in actual fact, people respect you more when you open up to them. People find it admirable when you talk about your short comings and share your flaws.
By sharing your imperfections, it shows that you are relatable and that you’re not afraid of people knowing your true self. You can tell people your mistakes and what you learned from them or tell them what you are afraid of.
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